A little over two years have passed since my last post and, boy, a lot has happened! Different job, different relationships, different city, different hobbies (kind of), and a whole lot of thoughts. Alas — if you followed me so far you might have noticed a pattern — those questions seem very familiar, and the corresponding feelings as well. And, coincidentally, something new happens which seems scary! Did you ever imagine to take four weeks off and do something that you know you love? And do it all day? And do it in such a way that you don’t do almost anything else?
If you happen to be at least in your 30s, then the following thought may have crossed your mind:
I’m too old for thing like this.
A whole bunch of people throughout history.
Oopsie. Really?! Why would I ever think THAT?! I kid you not, as that is a sentence I decided a long time ago, that I would never think it. What happened? And here the journey starts again. Okay, let’s see: what is so scary about it? Well, for starters, what happens to all I have achieved so far? What about my responsibilities? It’s really expensive, though, is it not? Is it really the right thing? Will I be able to carry it into my life after the four weeks? Shouldn’t it be an investment well made, and I’m doubting it? Etc., etc.
And then I think about all of that, and the answers are right there. But the feeling is not swayed by cognition. Maybe I need to dig deeper? What do all those questions have in common? Let me rephrase all of them: will I be able to keep everything as is, even though I want some change, and at the same time change permanently, and not just temporarily? Oh dear. Did the comfort zone expand so much, that I don’t want to leave it anymore? Am I indeed too old for this?
There we go. I guess I’m not too old, I just tricked myself into doubting that I can in fact do it, if I want to. I’m happy I found that contradiction: I can’t do business as usual and change permanently at the same time. Which path should I choose? At this point it’s almost painfully obvious. There is another factor I’d like to put a spotlight on, though. Realizing all of that, being honest with yourself, and mounting energy to make a difficult decision, works way better with supportive people.
So, big shout out to my friends, family, partner, colleagues, neighbors, and everybody else, who is so conducive to my life, consciously or not. I’m happy to be in it with all of you, and I hope I’m giving back as well. And to my dear reader: should you ever be in a situation where you feel like life is scary, look around, talk to people (if they want to support you in your quest for clarity), and don’t think you can’t. Because even people you don’t know (yet?) can be just the right listeners. I’m sure you will find them. ☀️
